Martin Kirk and How I Found My Tibia

Yesterday just before dinner, I came home from a weekend away and scooped up my four and a half year old daughter, kissed her, listened to her adorable recounting of the day. I cuddled her up and said, "Oh, Elle, I just love you so much. Let's be best friends forever and never ever fight."

This is a line we have been using on each other for a year and a half. But today, she just smiled as if she were the mom and I were the kid and said, "Oh, Mama, I don't really think that is possible."

I burst out laughing, hugged her again and marvelled at her maturity. We agreed that it would be OK to fight as long as we made up and forgave each other; and that that, in fact would be even better than not fighting at all. Fighting, it can be argued, can be sort of fun.

Five minutes later, she was lying on the floor having a tantrum because her dad was serving edamame for dinner and this was unacceptable. Twenty minutes after that, she was sitting in my lap gobbling up that same edamame and declaring it the best meal ever.

I spent the last weekend at the Yoga Sanctuary in Northampton, where readers of this blog know that I have been doing an Immersion in preparation for a teacher training for the past year and a half. The workshop I just attended, taught by Martin Kirk, was on anatomy. I wasn't sure what to expect--after all, anatomy has never been my strong suit. I could never remember which of the six bones in the arms and legs were which. (I think maybe I knew that the femur was the thigh bone, but humerus, tibia, ulna--whatever.) But from the moment I took my seat in that gorgeous orange room on Friday night, I knew I had come to the right place.

Martin started with a discussion of what Anusara yoga founder John Friend calls "The Divine Matrix." "There is an underlying Source that directs this dance [of creation, of life] called the Invisible Matrix. It is unseen, unmanifested energy that is you--the you that is you before you were you. That Invisible Matrix is always still there. In Anusara we are trying to line up to our individual matrix [or what is sometimes called our 'optimal blueprint'] But we are all connected to a Supreme Matrix."

I am not sure what exactly prompted me to push aside so many projects last year to focus on yoga. In many ways, it seemed a strange choice. I whittled down my coaching practice to make room for yoga classes and trainings during a year when I was under pressure to deliver a book to a publisher by a certain due date. I proceeded despite an injury to the wrist. I studied the Bhagavad Gita when I should have been blogging or writing songs. And even though the benefits of yoga for my mind and body have been abundant, I remained unclear about what inside me was so dogged in my pursuit.

And here we pause for some amusing Before and After pics.

After one month of yoga:

After 10 months of yoga:

After 15 months of yoga:

The discussion of the optimal blueprint answered my question. This was why I was here. The number one guideline for Anusara yoga teachers is to help students "Align with the Divine;" and that alignment will be different for every single individual on the planet. My job is to align with the optimal blueprint of me, and to thereby be the Nerissa-est Nerissa possible; yours is to be the Elizabeth-est Elizabeth possible, or the Fred-est Fred possible.

This is exactly what I tell my clients and the writers who write with me. The hairs on my ears and arms, not to mention the back of my neck all rose when Martin reminded us teacher trainees of this number one directive. And this: When we're injured, we ask "let me see if I can line up again." When we are off track in our lives, don't we ask ourselves the same question? What worked before? Where am I now? How to I get back to home/back to wholeness. When we find ourselves, our true path, we feel as though we have come home. When we heal, we become whole. We become holy. We return to our individual matrix.

I had a client recently who was in deep despair because he believed his whole life's work up to this point was a reaction to what his father wanted him to be rather than what his own dreams were. "And now I think that even though he was a bastard, my dad was right. I should have gone to med school. I should have become a doctor. Instead I am a failed writer who can't stop watching Grey's Anatomy. I cut off my nose to spite his face. Only it was my face."

There is a Tantric sutra that translates "Even the individual whose nature is consciousness in a contracted state embodies the entire universe in a contracted form." The laws of physics tell us that if you cut a hologram in pieces, you still retain the entire image, though it does weaken in its resolution as it gets smaller and smaller. Martin called these pieces "God molecules," and insists that "It takes pure light to project the fullness of each piece. Only you are your frequency. Refine the pure light of your own frequency and you will be luminous and unstoppable. Even the parts of you you don't like are God. It's all condensed God."

He was preaching to the choir. This is right in line (in line!) with everything in my understanding of late; that God is in the sweetness and the bitter. That everything we live through is allowed. AND that we can get closer to our own individual matrix, our optimal blueprint. Which reminds me of that old aphorism, "God loves me just the way I am and too much to let me stay this way."

But how do we refine the pure light? What is the pure light? What if we wake up on a dark snowy day with a head cold and a pipe has burst and it's negative two outside and our spouse is in a bad mood and the news on the radio makes us want to vacate the planet? And I'm not even mentioning the writer's block.

Another aphorism: "The greatest gift we can give someone is our attention." So far, this is my version of turning on the light. I give myself my own attention for starters. Instead of turning on Facebook (not that I don't love it) or the TV or reaching for a donut or a beer, I sit quietly and listen to myself whine. Sometimes this takes a long time. But it works.

When my daughter was apoplectic over her dinner selection, I just held her and let her moan. Sometimes I repeated back to her what she had shouted to let her know I heard her. Eventually she cleared up, just like the sun coming out from behind the snowfilled clouds and wiped her eyes and took a bite. And remembered she liked edamame.

I listened to my client complain about his dad and his "bad" choices for a long time too. Sometimes I repeated back what he had said to make sure he knew I was listening. I try to be like a good yoga teacher; to offer support where needed, especially when I hear a painful unnecessary thought. I offer an adjustment. I point out when the form is gorgeous and right. But mostly I give my attention. In the light of pure attention, something miraculous happens. The client begins to heal himself. Yes, I definitely point this out, encourage the healing path. But, again, like a good yoga teacher, I am not the healer. I just make the space, offer the simple instructions. Then I let him work through his own possibilities. Should he at the age of 47 go to med school? Should he become a body worker? Or maybe send his resume to a medical journal for an editorial position? My job is to listen and ask him how each of these possibilities ricochets around in his body. What feels exciting? What feels deadening? What thoughts are contributing to each feeling? It is painstaking and delicious work. And nothing is lost from the process except a bunch of used up stories that he finds were not serving him. He finds himself a free man, free to rejoice in his past, and free to make new choices for his future.

There is a phrase in Anusara, an instruction a teacher will often begin with: "Inner body bright." Martin's version of this instruction was: "Let the sun shine in your heart." I, of the notoriously slumped shoulders (which are getting much better!) notice that when I hear this instruction, I naturally lift the sides of my body as well as my rib cage. This small action not only erases the slump, it raises my spirits. I can't help smiling and feeling hopeful, even on the darkest of snowy days. And I dare say, I think this is the way we shine that light to reconstitute our God molecules into so that we, in turn, become luminous.

Here's to the return of the light.


Nerissa Nields is a musician, writer and coach who lives in Northampton. She works with groups and individuals to find their optimal blueprint on the page and off the mat. She has been studying Anusara yoga since 2009 and can't believe her good fortune in finding this joyful path and sanctuary. She writes about the nexus of art, family and yoga (skill in action) on her blog at nerissanields.blogspot.com.

Come out this Sunday, January 30 for a Community Yoga Class and Discussion about Yoga and Social Justice!

Around a year ago, I watched a documentary film narrated by the late Peter Postelthwaite that looks back from 2055 when human civilization as we know it has ceased to exist and the earth has been virtually destroyed. From his post-apocalyptic vantage point, Postelthwaite reviews the evidence of climate change that could have served as a warning if only we’d paid attention. Toward the end of the film, he asks, why didn’t we save ourselves when we had the chance? “Is the answer that,” he posits, “at some level we didn’t think we were worth saving?”

This struck me, not just as a poignant question, but as the fundamental issue at stake, and as the very essence of yoga. Our belief in our essential worth is about recognizing consciousness and light within our own hearts and recognizing our place in the greater web of the universe. My experience has taught me that this practice does make me feel happier and better on a personal level, and it is much larger than just that– I believe that valuing ourselves is truly the way to shift and heal the planet. When we remember our true nature — our innate goodness and worthiness — we naturally extend that value and treat others and the earth with kindness, compassion, and respect.

On a personal level, my yoga practice helps me cultivate light and abundance within, and I find myself wanting to share the fruits of my practice with others – to reach out and get involved in the community.

Do you share this feeling and experience? Do these ideas resonate with you?

If so, come join us for the first monthly Kula Project class on Sunday, January 30, 2011 at Yoga Sanctuary!

The Kula Project is a new group forming to expand the consciousness of the yoga community to include engagement with issues of social justice and social activism and to enrich the activist community through participation in yoga and embodied practices. More at www.kula-project.org.

The theme of Sunday’s class and discussion will be “Valuing Yourself Is A Radical Act.”

What: A community yoga class (all levels) and discussion.

Class co-taught be Kendra Hodgson, Lisa Leizman, and Allison Page. Discussion facilitated by Lisa Berkovits.

Donations (cash and check only) to benefit Seeds of Solidarity (www.seedsofsolidarity.org)

When: Sunday, January 30, 2011

Class: 4-5:15 PM

Discussion: 5:15-6:15 PM

Where: Yoga Sanctuary, 3^rd Floor Thornes Marketplace, 150 Main St., Northampton, MA

Share the event with your friends on Facebook.

More about the Kula Project: www.kula-project.org

Written by Kendra Hodgson

Living in the Fullness of Time

Sitting here on the cusp of 2011, I have been contemplating what the shift in a calendar year means and the traditions that surround it. I believe (and regularly partake) in the practice of setting intentions, yet I have long felt a subtle resistance to the idea of New Year’s Resolutions, though until recently I hadn’t spent the time to identify and articulate what it was that I was uncomfortable with.

In my understanding, setting a New Year’s Resolution starts from a place of feeling not good enough, essentially of being in a place of lack. So the message seems to be that we need to do something — lose x # of pounds, study harder, eat more vegetables, etc. — to be better. In yoga, we begin instead with the premise that we are already worthy just because we are alive. Our deepest nature is innate worthiness. Worth is not something that anyone can give or take away from us, and it is not something that we can achieve through dieting, going to the gym, studying, etc.. We already have it. Rather than making ourselves somehow better through our yoga practice, we instead use our practice to uncover and realize our own true nature more fully.

I have noticed, too, that resolutions are also often about starting from a clean slate — wiping away the previous year and starting fresh in the new year — and this relationship to time feels discordant to me. In yoga, there is a beautiful concept — kalapurnata — which means “the fullness of time.” Kala comes from Kali, who is known as the goddess of time and change, and purna, which means “fullness” or “abundance.” To live in kalapurnata means to live fully in past, present, and future all at once.

So, rather than wiping away 2010 and starting with a clean slate, we look back on the year and see what we can learn from it. And all of the experiences from the year are worthwhile — even the places where we stepped out of alignment and perhaps said or did things that we wish we hadn’t. Those experiences are also teachers and when we reflect on them mindfully and consciously, we can use them to inform our present and our future. We remember our past and use it to act mindfully in our present and to consider what lies ahead.

Why does this matter? Now, more than ever, the earth needs us to be fully awake and to be living consciously from *all* of our experiences. To use our past to live mindfully in our present, with an eye to the future, is to be thoughtful of ourselves and considerate of one another and respectful of the impact our choices will have on future generations.

Seventh generation sustainability is an ecological concept that originated with the Iroquois — The Great Law of the Iroquois — that urges humans to think about the impact their current decisions will have on the seventh generation in the future. To do that is to realize that we are so much greater than just ourselves, to realize that our choices do matter and will affect not just others in our immediate sphere but people who come after us much further in the future.

To live in kalapurnata is to be aware that we live in a continuum of time, that we can never wipe away the year gone by (nor do we want to!). I invite you to look back on 2010 and take it all in — swallow it and assimilate it all, let it become a part of you. And from that place, look forward to 2011. Keep one foot in the past and one foot in the future, and it will then be possible to live fully in kalapurnata in the present.

I wish to thank all of my teachers and friends for the giftss of wisdom and guidance that have contributed to my offering of this writing. Most especially here, I would like to thank Amy Ippoliti for introducing me to the concept of kalapurnata and my dear friend Lizzy Tyler for her reminders to always begin from a place of fullness and worth.

Questions for further contemplation:
* What were your greatest teachings of 2010?
* In what moments or experiences did you feel in clear alignment? How do you want to bring that forward with you into 2011?
* In what moments or experiences did you feel out of alignment? How do you want to use that to inform what you do in 2011?
* What would it look like for you to live in kalapurnata as you enter the new year?

Written by Kendra Hodgson

Check out Kendra's classes at YS and learn more about her at www.kendrahodgson.com

Winter Solstice

Happy winter solstice, everyone!

Winter Solstice is the shortest day (and thus longest night) of the year, the day that the sun appears for the least amount of time. The tilt of the planet and shape of the orbit around the sun creates a very dark day. Many world religions celebrate Winter Solstice or the time around it as the returning of the sun and “rebirth” of the seasons because the days begin to get longer after Winter Solstice. *

At Yoga Sanctuary we celebrated the Friday before the solstice with a free yoga class led by most of our teachers, followed by a potluck. The promise of yoga offers us the hope that no matter how dark the days get- inside or outside- our essence is light. Yoga is a means to reconnect with that healing and eternal light of our own nature.

One of our kula’s (community) babies was there cooing and giggling, while I did downward dogs across from her and her parents. My very pregnant belly hung like the ripening moon below me while my three and a half year old daughter wagged her “puppy” tail underneath me. My daughter also handed toy after toy to the baby across from her, until the baby migrated toward us and they were both there with me with a pile of stuffed animals and colorful scarves decorating my yoga mat. All three little beings (two outside, one still inside!) reminded me that all life’s joys begin in the dark of the womb, as a seed of possibility. Our theme in class was “Imagine and Dream”. In the darkness, we can turn to the Light of our hearts to envision the unfolding of the New Year and all of our own possibilities. These possibilities, cradled like my baby in the dark of my womb, are ultimately the longing of the light to express and create itself in new ways. In our yoga studio, the children in the room were still fully steeped in this luminosity, while the rest of us were breathing, moving, softening and opening to cultivate our connection to our essence and re-join our forgotten self with our luminous nature.

When we have the courage to turn inside, to face our deepest fears, to grieve our losses, to feel our vulnerable human nature, we are able to then find the deep resilient light of who we are. May that resilient light guide us across the threshold from this year into the next, with confidence that we can navigate even the stormiest times and emerge stronger and more expansive in our hearts than ever. Thank you for being part of our community of light here at Yoga Sanctuary- we cannot do alone what we can do together!

Written by Sara Rose

*The 2010 Winter Solstice is an astrologically significant solstice for several reasons… this year’s Winter Solstice was a full moon, which last happened in 1999 and before that in 1980…the full moon does not happen on the Winter Solstice very often. This makes this year’s Winter Solstice especially significant.

The 2010 Winter Solstice was not only a full moon, but also a full eclipse. This is when the Earth passes between the sun and the moon, hiding the sunlight and casting a shadow over the moon. Starting at 1:33 a.m. (EST) Tuesday, the Winter Solstice Eclipse was casting an amber/red shadow over the moon, rather than an entirely black shadow that blocked out the moon. The eclipse is was considered full at 2:41 a.m. Eastern Standard Time on Tuesday, Dec. 21. 3:17 a.m. EST on the Winter Solstice. The last time the Winter Solstice saw a lunar eclipse was in 1378, 632 years ago

Muscular Energy 101

Last month’s blog began our series on the 5 Universal Principles of Alignment of Anusara yoga. I am now adding the element that relates to each principle as well as the benefits.

Muscular Energy 101:

Benefits- physical, mental, emotional and spiritual: strength, steadiness, empowerment, confidence

Element: Earth (prittivi)

“When you create muscular energy after Opening to Grace, the outer body-skin, muscles and bones- happily draw in against an expanded and radiant inner body. The outer body is magnetically drawn in to the inner body’s radiance, harmoniously integrating the inner and outer bodies together. This sets the stage for a powerful and balanced expression to occur through the asana.”

-John Friend, Anusara Yoga Teacher Training Manual

One of the most powerfully positive differences I experienced when I was first learning Anusara yoga was the philosophy, epitomized even by the technical language of the alignment principles. Everything was said in a way that was affirming- of life, of one’s inner worthiness, of the divinity of the body. The deeply uplifting and empowering tantric philosophy teaches us not only that we are all part of the divine, but that our bodies too are a manifestation of that divine consciousness. We begin our practice by softening and opening to that great light inside and around us, setting our foundation both physically and spiritually (see the last blog, opening to grace 101). Following this softening and opening is the next Universal Principle of Alignment: muscular energy.

Anusara yoga weaves tantric philosophy into every fiber of its’ expression, including the most subtle to the most physical levels. One of the primary tenets of this philosophy is that our true nature is free, whole and perfect in its essence. This innate wholeness is a gift of grace; yet its’ unfolding, cultivation and blossoming is entirely up to us.

Because we are free, in this world of relativity we are always given the choice to align or misalign with our true nature, and to cultivate and uncover who we really are, or… not. Thus the fulfillment of our greatest potential is largely up to us, and how much we want to grow, awaken and serve a higher consciousness. This kind of alignment takes effort, sometimes tremendous effort. Muscular energy also takes effort, but that effort is one that comes not from a need to prove ourselves strong or to dominate our bodies, but rather as an expression of love for who we are and a desire to strengthen our connection to ourselves. Muscular energy is a loving boundary that perfectly complements the openness of opening to grace. After opening to the highest, muscular energy is like a seal that affirms and protects our worthiness as we hug in to our very core.

There are three aspects, physically, to muscular energy:

1.”Hug” the muscles to the bones, from the outer periphery of the skin to the innermost core of the bones

2. Draw the legs and arms into the midline of the body

3. Draw muscular energy from the periphery, such as the feet, through the legs and into the focal point (such as the core of the pelvis in standing poses)- also draw from the hands through the arms down the spine into the focal point.

Muscular energy begins with intention, and intention arises from desire. Thus we recognize that after softening to feel that we are part of something bigger (opening to grace), out of a desire to align with that bigger presence, we engage our own will and effort in order to align.

What are the benefits of muscular energy?

On every level, physically and spiritually: Stability, strength, steadfastness

Mentally and emotionally: confidence and empowerment

To be Anusara- to truly flow with the currents of grace- means to accept both our innate potential and inner goodness, as well as to cultivate and co-create with the divine. In this sophisticated philosophy, we are neither subject to some higher divine presence with no will of our own, nor are we solely in charge of the bigger picture. By practicing opening to grace and muscular energy in our lives on and off the mat, we learn to co-create with the divine- to surf the waves of consciousness. We are not victim of the waves because we have choice and can make efforts to paddle and to find the sweetest currents around us. We also cannot dominate or control this ocean we are in and so we find our way into the optimal flow by balancing effort and surrender, opening to something greater while using our own innate skills and talents to guide us where we want to go. Easier said than done, I know. But in my experience, the result of applying these principles on and off the mat is greater freedom and empowerment, and a constantly improving ability to enjoy and expand with every changing and challenging wave of life rather than to feel either victimized or in need of controlling it all.

How do you apply effort in your life?

Do you feel you are able to balance your efforts with softening and yielding to what you are not in control of?

Are you naturally more strong-willed, even physically strong, or naturally softer, and more yielding? These are both beautiful qualities in balance, yet out of balance, yielding becomes a lack of empowerment while being overly strong can lead to control issues.

Written by Sara Rose

The Back-To School Blog: Opening to Grace 101

After a steamy hot summer these cool, dry and gentle fall days are dreamy… the crisp, flowing air stirs our creativity and wakes us up for a season of focus, learning, and the comforts of a steady routine.

In honor of back-to-school season I am beginning a 5-Blog segment on the 5 Universal Principles of Alignment that are the foundation of Anusara yoga. We will begin, of course, with the first and most important principle: “Opening to Grace”

What are the 5 Principles?

1.Open to Grace

2. Muscular Energy

3. Inner spiral

4. Outer Spiral

5. Organic Energy

The First Principle, Opening to Grace, represents not just the beginning moment of yoga practice but also the underlying foundation and essence of Anusara yoga. This principle asks us to begin yoga practice by softening, becoming more sensitive, feeling and connecting to our breath, body and the world around us with awareness and openness.

We begin our practice just as every new and returning student should as they turn back to school and a new year of learning: humble, open, willing and hopefully excited! Anusara classes begin with an invocation, to set the tone that our practice is the expression of our intention to align with our innermost essence and the divine flow of the universe. Om Namah Shivaya Gurave… we bow to the divine essence of goodness and worthiness within ourselves, that highest light (shiva) which is the true teacher (gurave) inside us all.

If only school began with such an intention, and taught our children from the very beginning that they have all the wisdom and worthiness they need inside of themselves (some schools in fact do like my daughter’s- though not the ones I attended as a child!). This way, learning is more about unfolding, cultivating, drawing out and deepening the gifts that are already inside us- not acquiring something we are not, but becoming more of who we really are!

Opening to grace for me is a lot about trust. To trust that there is a benevolent force in the universe that wants me to be happy and fulfilled has required me to confront many long held beliefs from my childhood. If people- especially those who have not connected to their divine nature- let us down, betray us, hurt us, especially during our formative childhood years- why would we trust the universe has anything good to offer us? Or why would we trust that we are protected or loved?

So I understand when students may feel resistant to either the language or concept of Opening to Grace. For some the word grace meant something not empowering in their religious upbringing. So, substitute a word that works for you- open to Spirit, open to your breath, open to your own divine essence. For others if the feeling of grace in the form of love and nourishment has been absent in their life, it is easy to feel that our personal universe, devoid of love and nourishment, is all that exists- that it’s just the way it is out there.

If you are willing to face the source of any limiting beliefs; if your desire to feel free and happy are strong, you will find that Opening to Grace is the most healing and essential of all the principles. Tantric Philosophy Scholar Paul Muller-Ortega defines grace as the movement of consciousness inside- that voice, that essence in each of us that moves us to make positive changes in our life, to disrobe the limitations that bind us in our longing for freedom. Grace, this movement of consciousness, is not at all lofty or unusual but as close as your own breath, your own desire to heal your suffering and reclaim joy.

It is easy to see grace in my daughter. That bubbling light of a three year old whose joy has been nurtured and celebrated by her parents, friends and family is overflowing constantly as she dances, sings and plays. That innate joy, even her feisty willful moments of wanting to do things “her way”, are grace herself, asserting her wild, true and colorful nature.

So take a deep breath, soften and open up…grace is the very desire that lead you to read this blog and to take that deep breath! She is always with you- grace IS you at your very essence. So listen, trust who you are… grace is always with you.

What does opening to Grace mean to you?

Written by Sara Rose

Yoga, Social Justice & Activism

Last week, during the lunch break at a workshop with John Friend (founder of Anusara™) in Cambridge, a few of us started talking about yoga, social justice, and activism. And I have been thinking about the conversation and topic since. Just like the balanced action of muscular and organic energy (physically hugging in and stabilizing our muscles and our bones and then expanding and reaching outward), so, too, do we need the balanced action of inner work and engagement in the world. Our practice on the mat nourishes us and prepares us for our life off of the mat. We turn inward, care for ourselves, connect to our core, and then keeping that connection, we can go out into the world and offer our hearts, and our energy to bring healing, expansion, and freedom to others.

In yoga classes, we learn to bring our bodies into alignment, and with this we bring ourselves into greater and greater integrity. With practice, we refine our awareness and become ever more conscious. For me, this consciousness makes me see the injustices and suffering in the world all the more clearly. And I see working for social justice (access to healthy food, equal access to education, life free from suffering and violence for all, environmental protection, and much more) as a natural extension of my yoga. As I develop my own internal strength and sense of self-worth, as I see my own interconnectedness and place in the web of things, I find an increasing desire to engage with my local community.

As yogis and yoginis, we cultivate inner and outer strength on our mats, develop our sense of self-worth, and nurture a sense of hope and optimism, all of which are necessary for engaging in social activism. And I believe, too, that personal growth and development becomes that much more meaningful, that much richer, when it is paired with a turning and offering outward. Sometimes this is a simple act, such as voting for a candidate who is committed to issues you care about or taking the time to tell a service worker how much you appreciate what he or she does, and sometimes it involves a commitment of much more time and energy. We are all manifestations of cit (consciousness) – individual in nature but so much more than just ourselves. Applying the principle of balanced action, we turn in and nourish ourselves, hug into our core, and then we turn out and offer our hearts to others. I invite you to contemplate what social activism means to you and to engage, in whatever way moves you, to make our community and world safer, healthier, and more just for all.

For further contemplation:

• What does social activism mean to you? What is social justice?
• What small, manageable things can you do on a daily basis that are acts of activism and social justice?
• What do you see as the connections between yoga, social justice, and social activism?
• What causes are you drawn to? (Environmental protection, gender equality, racial justice, gay rights, food justice, education, alternative energy, violence prevention, teen pregnancy, homelessness, etc.)
• In what way can you get involved with an issue you care about?

Written by Kendra Hodgson